


Same

by prettyfaroutman



Series: Lovely Little Ficlets 31 Day Challenge [9]
Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Crack, M/M, arrested development AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:56:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3148286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyfaroutman/pseuds/prettyfaroutman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pedrazar Arrested Development/Blunder AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same

**Author's Note:**

> As this is an AD AU, all the italicized text should be imagined as a voice-over by Ron Howard. Also, I might possibly be a horrible person? Sorry not sorry.

_Pedro Donaldson had been having a difficult time lately. His rival, The Mighty Balthazar, had just gotten the coveted center spread in POOF Magazine with his new act as “The Gay Magician: I’M HERE, I’M QUEER, NOW I’M OVER HERE.” But Pedro wasn’t willing to give up. He was going to find a way to get revenge on Balthazar for ruining his career and stealing his spotlight - even if it meant tracking him down at Gay Night at the Gothic Castle._

 

“Balthazar! Fancy seeing you here. At Gay Night. Because you’re gay.”

“I could say the same about you, Pedro.”

“You could say that I’m gay?”

“I could say fancy seeing you here.”

“Ha, yeah! I am pretty fancy. So, how’d you do that trick with the bean bag? The How-Dee-Doo-Dats were blown away.”

 

_What Pedro didn’t say was that he was also blown away. He couldn’t deny that Balthazar put on a spectacular act. But Pedro didn’t care how good his act was, only that he was the number one reason that Pedro couldn’t book a show any more to save his life. He had to figure out some way to learn Balthazar’s secrets._

 

“So you wanna learn my secrets, huh?”

“I might want to…?”

“DID SOMEONE SAY ‘MIGHTY’?”

 

_He hadn’t._

 

“Not now, Tony! Give me that. Sorry, Pedro. Anyway, why don’t we get together for a drink? My place, tomorrow night. I’ll tell you all about the bean bag illusion, plus whatever else you want to know. Unless your boyfriend over there would object?”

“My boyfriend?”

“Yeah, you came in with that guy in the scarf, right?”

“Oh! That’s just Dog…something. He’s not my boyfriend. I mean, he was? But like, super casual. He probably barely knows I exist, haha!”

 

_This was true - Dogberry barely knew he existed. To him, Pedro was merely a fancy man off the street who’d offered to pay him to stand in as his boyfriend for a few hours._

 

“So…my place tomorrow, then?”

“Can’t wait!”

 

_When Balthazar eagerly called Pedro the next day to confirm the date, Pedro realized that an even better revenge than stealing all his secrets would be to make Balthazar fall in love with him and then break his heart when Pedro revealed that he’d been straight all along. It was a plan that couldn’t fail to work, because Pedro knew that he was irresistible to everyone. And if he stole Balthazar’s secrets in the process, well, so much the better._

_Pedro arrived at Balthazar’s apartment to find the lights dimmed to a romantic setting and Mumford and Sons playing softly in the background. He knew he’d have to be smooth to pull this off, so he immediately turned on his signature charm._

 

“So, Balthazar! The Gay Magician! What does that even mean, anyway, to be a gay magician?”

“Well, you should know, right? Just because you haven’t come out and made it a part of your act doesn’t mean you’re not a gay magician.”

 

_Balthazar didn’t believe that Pedro was gay simply because he had shown up to Gay Night with a flamboyant man in a scarf. He had hopes, but he had to test Pedro before he was willing to trust him. Luckily, Pedro passed the test with flying colors._

 

“What? I mean, yeah, of course! Right! Because I’m gay. And also a magician. Obviously.”

“Obviously. Same.”

“Same.”

“So the bean bag trick, yeah? I use that guy Tony with a Balthazar mask. I was in the bean bag the whole time!”

“Oh my gosh! I use a Pedro mask for one of my tricks! Same!”

“Same!”

“That’s insame…”

 

_The more they talked, the more Pedro discovered that he and Balthazar had much more in common than he thought. He sensed something unfamiliar - an emotional connection with another person. And then Pedro said something that he’d never said before._

 

“I…have feelings…for you.”

“I have…feelings for you, too.”

“Same.”

“Same.”

“So…”

“So…”

 

_Pedro was at a loss. He had all but forgotten his plan to steal Balthazar’s secrets, but the plan to make Balthazar fall for him seemed to be heating up._

 

“Is it getting hot in here? Ha, that sounds like I’m angling to have gay sex with you or something, but it actually feels hot in here. I mean, of course I would have gay sex - I mean, normal sex with you.”

“I would totally have normal sex with you, too.”

“Right! I would totally, totally have normal sex with you. It’s just, I drank all this water…”

“Same!”

“Same! But we should totally have totally normal sex some time. Maybe at my place?”

“Yes. Same.”

“Same?”

“Same.”

 

_Pedro left Balthazar’s apartment feeling conflicted. He was so distracted by mentally reviewing his revenge plot he didn’t even realize that he was talking to himself out loud on the way home._

 

“It’s no big deal! This is all going according to plan. I’m just going to ruin our life. Ruin…our life. My life, with Balthazar. Ruin our life.”

 

_Pedro Donaldson had made a huge mistake._


End file.
